brittany bank checks

So... In the death filled 80s and 90s I learned to hate the fall. The way of nature is that things die in the fall, and like leaves, a disproportionate amount of friends made their final fall in Sept and October every year. Thankfully the death has been *much* less over the last 10 or so years but I still get the heebie jeebies in the fall...

My cousin Teddy died in his sleep early yesterday. He was 34 years old. He and his wife went to bed Saturday night and when she woke up and snuggled up to him yesterday morning he was cold... And dead. My assumption is heart attack but we wonapos;t know for a while Iapos;m sure. People wonder why I am so heart paranoid... The family line definitely does not lend itself to strong of heart in many ways.

I spent much of the morning with my Mom who couldnapos;t stop crying. I went online and booked tickets for my Aunt and Grandma to fly back to Kansas this morning so they canapos;t do what they need to bring him home to California. I didnapos;t have it in me to drive up to Sonoma to be with them tho so I went home and alternately slept all afternoon and made small talk on bear411.

Iapos;m surprised how much this hurts. Honestly Teddy and I havenapos;t been remotely close since he and I were young. Iapos;ve seen so much death of friends I loved dearly and were much closer to... But I didnapos;t babysit them, or have them look up to me and imitate me taking on my hobbies and such (to my constant irritation) like an older brother as a kid, or take them to see Raiders of the Lost Ark.

20 years ago when I tested poz the understanding was that I would be the first to die and my generation of cousins (the closest I have to real brothers and sister) would go on. Who knew Iapos;d start living past them. Iapos;ve spent years fearfully waiting for the morning that I would wake up and hug Bob and find him gone. Last night I spent most the night sitting up listening to him breathe knowing just how lucky I am not to have yet gone through what Tedapos;s wife did yesterday.

I really hate the fall, things die in the fall and it sucks :(
brittany bank checks, brittany banks, brittany barhite, brittany bauhaus.